你到底想要王子還是阿四?

auntieyan
醉生夢死
2013年6月月20日

我有個朋友Polly,她和某部分香港女人一樣,深信自己生下來就是公主,理應能在人生的旅途中找到一個屬於自己的王子,能幸福快樂地生活下去。

每個女人心目中都有一個自己標準的王子,但奇就奇在Polly心目中的「王子」除了要靚仔有錢,更要「聽教聽話」,對她千依百順。

作為Polly的「王子」,一定要識哄公主開心。公主發脾氣是必須的,錯在誰人身上並不重要,重要的是王子永遠都是認錯的一方;公主有什麼需要要即時觀察得到,千萬不要等公主開聲才做,這樣就不得溫柔細心;公主要是你人生的第一位;王子要隨傳隨到,管接管送;拎手袋是必須的……

由細到大,看童話故事也好,歷史故事也好,內裏的王子都是矜貴威武,可望不可即,灰姑娘要入宮見王子都得用魔法變靚,山長水遠坐車入宮。時移勢易,今時今日的「王子」標準,原來已經降格成一個「阿四」的標準,要絕對服從主人的指令,兩者相異之處就是「阿四」月尾有糧出,「王子」則要貼錢服侍「公主」。

如果王子失職怎麼辦?那公主就會變成巫婆,隨時訓醒扭轉面就會見到一個滿面皺紋的千年姥姥。前日看「求愛大作戰」才知道這個公主隨時變巫婆的理論,真的令我懷疑白雪公主故事中的白雪公主其實一早已經被毒蘋果毒死,後來的白雪公主根本就是巫婆假冒,扮昏迷引王子落網。

Polly公主除了對王子的內在美要求多多,她對王子的外在美也一樣高標準。貴為外貌協會榮譽會員的Polly,你讓一百個男人排隊等她挑選,她都未必可以選擇到一個合眼緣嘗試認識。Polly要英俊瀟灑有錢有型,但卻經常埋怨香港男人只會看女人的外貌胸部,毫無修養,做不到她心目中的王子──能夠skip過她喬裝後仍是平平無奇的樣貌,穿透她的內心世界,欣賞她的內在美的王子。

如果說港女都是被童話故事教壞的,倒不如說大家都對童話故事解讀錯誤,王子從來不完美。白雪公主中的白馬王子,他從未了解過白雪公主,隔著玻璃看見有美女就愛上人,浪漫的說法叫一見鍾情,現實的說一句,即是「睇樣啦」。你以為王子愛上灰姑娘,是因為大家跳舞跳了一夜,王子因了解而愛上她嗎?他和她跳了一整晚,連地址都不知道,有時候我懷疑王子根本就有戀腳癖,要不然怎會只憑一隻鞋去認自己的未來老婆那麼兒戲。

童話故事中的公主都善良美麗,但現實中的公主能否具備這兩項條件就見仁見智,無論你是公主還是平民,要選擇一個拎女人手袋,食咩去邊都要聽你吩咐霸氣盡失的阿四王子出街,還是選擇一個正常有主見的男人出街,自己揀啦。

不過記住,你揀人人揀你喎。

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